Oh My God
by Madame of Writing
Summary: In which Rachel spreads PucKurt rumours and silly reactions are had. "It's kind of hot actually." "...Seriously?"
1. Rachel

Oh my God.

…is the first thing that comes to Rachel's mind when she _finally _figures out what's going on between Noah and Kurt; they're _dating_ (or just messing around, she isn't sure). She thanks her developing Gaydar, but the occasional exchange of sneaky glances and constant kicking under the lunch table have probably already made it a little bit too obvious.

She stands behind her locker door, her aim set on the Noah's locker. He's pulling out a rose with a note on it and he smiles when he opens it. A secret love note, Rachel thinks, narrowing her eyes.

She waits for the male to go away but he keeps shuffling with the objects (_secret objects!) _in his locker, and she notices that there's a dark blue card stuck on the door. She huffs and pretends to look inside her locker, trying not to look like she was spying on Noah just now.

When the tanned boy finally walks away, Rachel immediately slams her locker shut with a loud bang, startling some random passersby. She struts down the hall to his locker, attempting to look as casual as possible. She practically rips open his locker as soon as she's there and she's relieved that it's unlocked. One thing about Noah is that he never locks his locker; nothing is worthy enough to steal or take from him anyway.

She picks up the flower stem and studies it carefully. There are no thorns. Noah must have trimmed it.

She picks up the note and opens it carefully, scanning the content.

_hey bb, sry 4 missin our dinner last weekend. come over my place for brunch? ma makes awesome briskets_

_love, THE PUCKSTER_

She has mixed feelings about this. She can't help but smile at the fuzzy feelings the note gives her, but then she gasps because this note is definitely meant for Kurt, and her guess _must _be right.

(There is a chance that it is meant for someone else, but Rachel Berry is psychic and Rachel Berry is _always_ right.)

"I've got to tell someone about this!" She mumbles to herself as she quickly rearranges everything in Noah's locker (which doesn't take much time; his locker is practically empty save a few books). She closes the door, more gently this time and promptly stalks off, her eyes seemingly glowing with excitement.

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><p><em>Thank you my cousin, Van for being my most epic beta!<em>

_Read and Review!_


	2. Finn

_Thank you my cousin, Van for beta-ing this chapter and the previous chapter. Thank you for the reviews, the favorites and alerts, I appreciate them! Enjoy this chapter, and please review!_

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><p>"No way, Rachel! Puck and Kurt aren't dating! They can't be!" Finn yell-whispers, obviously panicked.<p>

"Finn, will you listen to me? It makes perfect sense! Can't you help but notice the frequent touching during Glee? The sneaky glances exchange? I have bruises on my legs because someone, or some_two_ have been kicking under the lunch table! And that is most certainly Noah and Kurt's doing!" Rachel yell-whisper-rants back at him, tone firm and non-accepting of any arguments (Rachel psychic Berry is _always_ right!).

Finn clasps his mouth into a straight line and covers his ears. He's been trying very hard to be okay with Kurt's gay, especially since now they're kind-of-step-brothers and living together, not to mention school and Glee, and he's made some progress but now he has to settle with _Puck's_ gay too and they'll gay _together_ and Finn isn't prepared for all this gay!

Wait… if Puck's gay, then all those times in the showers together… _oh God!_

His eyes are wide and he's panicking even more and he looks up at Rachel and she's still talking, hands flailing and walking around restlessly, and for a brief moment all he can imagine going out of her mouth is "gay gay gay gay."

He's pulled out of his daze when she suddenly grabs his hands and yanks them away from his ears (she's strangely strong for her small build).

"If Kurt and Noah aren't dating, can you tell me where Kurt is?"

Finn gulps, still slightly distracted and replies with a simple, "Basement."

Rachel just smiles at him and heads for Kurt's basement, Finn trailing behind after her. He crosses his fingers behind his back while she's practically stomping through the living room. He knows that Kurt's been in his room long before Finn and Rachel got home, and there's a very high chance of Kurt driving home with Puck (and gay together and stuff!)

Finn just hopes that when Rachel opens the room, there will be no sex, no making out or just, no presence of Puck at all (and no seeing anyone's junk _please_?).

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><p><em>Thanks for reading and to be continued<em>.


	3. Tina

Kurt and Tina look up from the pile of vinyl discs and clothes as Rachel and Finn enter the room. Tina hears a sigh of relief from Finn as the couple walk down the stairs to approach the pile.

"Kurt, Tina." Rachel says firmly, nodding twice in their directions and immediately asks (although 'demands' sounds more appropriate), "What are you guys doing?"

Before either of them replies, she sits down next to the jacket pile and flashes them the brightest and sunniest smile Tina's ever seen (she hopes it doesn't make her a bad person to think that Rachel Berry is scary even when she's acting innocent).

"Oh, my day was _fabulous_, thank you for asking Rachel. How about you?" Kurt deadpans, not bothering to cast them a glance. Rachel sniffs, turning her head up and ignores him, looking pointedly at the gothic girl instead.

"We're cleaning Kurt's vinyl discs and re-organizing his closet." Tina offers weakly and puts down the disc. She wills herself not to be shaken by Rachel (she kind of scares Tina right now) and directs her head to Kurt. "I'm done; that's the last one. Are you ready to sort out the clothes yet?"

"Sure." Kurt whispers blankly without looking up from his fingers. When he finally tears his eyes away from his immaculate nails (painted black this time, with the help of Tina herself!), he glares at Rachel, who is sitting daintily on the floor near him, while Finn is slouching and being awkward on his creamy white couch. "And to what," he starts. "Do I owe the _pleasure?_"

"You're in a secret relationship with Noah, am I right?" Rachel asks abruptly, her straight-forwardness surprising everyone.

Finn makes a choking noise and Kurt's blue (grey? Green?) eyes widen even larger (Tina takes a moment to secretly envy him). The goth stays silent and opts to gape unattractively at the male in question instead.

Kurt freezes, but quickly regains his composure and fixes all three of them a poker face.

"I've _really_ missed your insanity Rachel, and I'm just _so_ glad it's decided to pay me a visit. _But_," He drips the whole sentence with sarcasm, rolling his eyes. "_Clearly,_ you're mistaken."

He starts putting his clothes into his lap, ending the conversation completely. Tina looks around and shrugs, wordlessly helping Kurt with his task. She can see Rachel frowning, annoyed, and Finn, who is glancing nervously between his girlfriend and step-brother.

There is an awkward silence, and Tina uses that opportunity to fully consider the strange situation that Rachel has brought up. Thousands of things enter her mind suddenly, and she feels her cheeks going red. Tina would never admit it to anyone else, considering it would seriously ruin her reputation (not that she has any, but still), but she finds the mental image of Kurt with Puck… kind of hot…

Oh don't look at her like that! It's inevitable, she argues, she's Asian and a lot of her friends, besides Glee club, are Asian and most of them are hooked on that slash thing and so is Tina, apparently (but she's still in the closet about that, so don't tell anyone).

Kurt is… cute, and Puck is… well, _hot_ (only because _delicioussexgodomgdemguns _isn't in the dictionary), so it's not _her_ fault that the thought of those two together makes her feel all tingly inside.

She has to restrain herself from scarring her own face from grinning too much when the images of them together pop up in her head again.

_Bad brain! No thinking of your friends screwing each other senseless when one of them is sitting right in front of you._

And besides, she laments, surreptitiously looking at Kurt, he denied it, so it's probably not true anyway.

_Doesn't mean that the thought can't be stored for later, when you're finally alone in your room._

"What if I call him right now?" Rachel speaks up suddenly, jerking (heh heh) Tina out of her (admittedly inappropriate) train of thought, eyes practically glowing with glee. "Noah is _very_ honest about his love _and_ sex life. I should know; I've dated him before."

This time, Tina is completely unable to help the goofy grin from escaping.

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><p><em>Thank you my cousin, Van, for beta this chapter and the last two. Read and review please!<em>


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